so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
