why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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