Umm I'm too high to move.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
