you guys were way drunker than both of me
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
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