There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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