i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I think a kid would responsible me up
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
