Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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