Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
