I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
