This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
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