I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
