The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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