I didn't shave. On purpose
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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