I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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