I cockslap morals
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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