dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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