doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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