i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
