It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
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Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
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Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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