when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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