if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
