I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
