Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
