is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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