we're chasing vodka with high fives
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
