I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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