summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
