so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
