I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
actually, I'm a sock model
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
