An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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