there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
