I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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