try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
