Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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