I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
