I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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