Moan for me like Helen Keller
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
