There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Randomize
