He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
