I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
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