Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
