just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
