Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
