Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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