For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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