I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
