i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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