Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Holy sore nipples Batman
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
