Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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