1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
