The maid of honor just puked.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
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