I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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