Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
