There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
