I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
