Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
