She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
