One girl and one boy is just not enough.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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