her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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