i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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