I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
