Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
