I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
