So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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