I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
