Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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