I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
