honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
