I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Houston, we have a squirter
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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