my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
