dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
