You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
