my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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