the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
