dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
