good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Randomize
