hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Randomize
