Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
