Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Randomize
