I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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