I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
she pinky promised me she was 18
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
