TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
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