You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
