This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
